


Too Late, Too Soon

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-06-07
Updated: 1999-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-11 06:04:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11142438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Ray returns from his undercover position and jumps to the wrong conclusion.





	Too Late, Too Soon

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).
    
    
    Standard Disclaimer, I'm only borrowing them.   Please send comments,
    questions, compliments, and otters to.
    
    Too Late
    
    Ray couldn't wait to get back to his life.  To get back to his family,
    his friends, and his love.  He stopped first at his house.  After twenty
    minutes of non-stop hugs and kisses from his mother, and the rest of
    his family Ma Vecchio asked if he had seen Benny yet. 
    
    "No, Ma.  I stopped here first."
    
    "Raymondo, I love you. Why don't you go get Benton and bring him back
    here.  We should celebrate with all of the family here."
    
    "All right Ma."  He was glad that his mother treated Benny like her other
    son and was accepting of their relationship.
    
    He drove to West Racine and parked in his customary spot.  He was about
    to get out and run up the stairs to 3J when he saw Fraser coming his
    way.  Walking beside him was a rather skinny blond man and Dief walked
    near them.  Obviously they had just returned from walking Dief in the
    park.  Ray was frozen in time Ray watched incredulously as Fraser and
    the man hugged at the entrance to the building.  He was shocked to see
    the man brush a kiss to Benny's lips and wave as he moved toward a black
    car parked by the curb.  Once Fraser had gone inside and the blond man
    had disappeared Ray slumped into the seat of the Riv.  He took a few
    deep breaths and called his mother on the phone. 
    
    "Hey, ma, it's me.  Listen Benny and I are going to stay here tonight..
    . . . . No, everything's fine.  We just need some time alone together,
    you know. . . . . . Yeah we'll be by tomorrow. . . . . I'll tell him.
    . . . Yeah ma, I love you too,"
    
    His hands were trembling as he tossed the phone onto the seat next to
    him.  He wanted to run.  Run and never see anyone again.  If you let
    people in they hurt you.  Pop had done it, now Benny.  He wanted to stop
    feeling.  He wanted to hurt the blond man for having Fraser.  He wanted
    to hurt Fraser for hurting him.  But he couldn't.  Benny, he thought
    as his insides were torn apart, why couldn't you love me as much as I
    love you?
    
    When the lights went out in Fraser's apartment, Ray was silent, barely
    holding everything in.  He got out of the car and went up the stairs.
    Since Fraser still hadn't replaced his locks, getting into the apartment
    was easy.  Recognizing his scent, Dief rubbed against his leg several
    times wagging his tail excitedly instead of barking or growling.  He
    quietly went over to the bed, trying not to wake up the occupant.
    
    He pulled a chair near the bed and sat for several hours watching Benny
    sleep.  As he sat he could hear bits of a song coming in through the
    window.  Somehow the song seemed terrifyingly appropriate to the situation.
    
    	Then there was the night,
    	took an early flight.
    	Rushing home tonight,
    	something wasn't right
    	I can't believe my eyes;
    	I know I must be dreaming.
    
    God I wish I had been dreaming.  I didn't think I could hurt this much
    again.  After Pop and Angie and Irene, I promised myself I wouldn't let
    it happen again.  
    
    	Did I come home,
    	too late, too soon?
    	You in his arms 
    	told me the truth,
    
    If you didn't love me why couldn't you just tell me?  How can loving
    someone bring so much pain?  All I ever wanted was someone to love me.
    Someone who wouldn't hurt me anymore.  Is it too much to ask for?  
    
    	too late, too soon (too soon).
    	I wish I would have known,
    	I wouldn't left you all alone.
    
    I know you've been hurt before too.  That's why I thought you wouldn't
    ever hurt me.  I thought our love was strong enough to survive this.
    I thought you would be there waiting for me when I got back.
    
    	Love shouldn't let you roam
    	Tell me how long
    	has this been going on?
    
    How long did you wait.  Were you with him the night I left?  A few days?
    A week?  How long did we last?  Ray realized his nails were digging into
    the sensitive skin on the palm of his hands.  He stared at the crescent
    marks outlined in white, but he couldn't make himself unclench his hands.
    
    	Cause I thought our love was strong,
    	but I guess I must be dreaming.
    	Did I come home
    	(did I come home)
    	(too late) too late, too soon?
    	(cause you) 
    	You in his arms 
    	told me the truth
    	too late, too soon
    	(too soon) baby, 
    
    I was so sure you were different.  I trusted you.  I thought that you
    meant what you said.  Was it all a joke to you?  Did you ever really
    love me?  Love is supposed to be forever. 
    
    	What was I supposed to do,
    	you had to see it for yourself
    	(had to see it for yourself).
    
    I had to go.  I didn't want to be undercover as some mobster.  But I
    did it anyway.  I went because it had to be done.  I was the only one
    who could do it.  You taught me to worry about other people.  To 'maintain
    the right.'  What a joke.  You made me forget to worry about myself,
    first and only.  To care about people who I didn't even know.  You're
    the reason I did it.    You made me care.
    
    	Cause I thought our love was strong,
    	but I guess I must be dreaming.
    	Did I come home 
    	(did I come home)
    	too late, (too late too late)
    	much too soon baby?
    	Cause you in his arms 
    	told me the truth,
    	too late, too soon.
    
    Oh god.  He's waking up.  I can't be here.  I can't do this.  Tears.
    I never cried.  Not when Pop died.  Not even when Irene died right in
    front of me.  Trying to run, to leave.  Why won't my legs move?
    
    "Ray?" Benny asked as he blinked sleepily in the shadows.
    
    Pain.  He couldn't breathe.  
    
    "Ray!"  Benny was out of the bed and hugging him before Ray could think.
    He didn't say anything or move, allowing Benny to hold him.  When Benny
    leaned in to kiss him, Ray felt his control shatter.  Suddenly he wasn't
    angry or hurt, he was terrified.  Nothing mattered but not losing Benny.
    
    "What's wrong Ray?" Benny asked without letting go.
    
    "How could you?" Benny looked at him blankly.  "Outside, earlier, I love
    you.  Give me a chance to make it up to you. . . "
    
    "What? I don't understand. . . Oh Ray, no."
    
    "Please.  I love you.  I never meant to . . . "
    
    "No, listen.  It's not what you think.  I love you too.  That's you.
    I mean that's Ray Kowalski." 
    
    "I don't care who it is.  I'm, so sorry . . ."
    
    "Ray, really, it's okay.  I'm just not explaining it right.  I had to
    pretend that he was you.  But it's not the same.  Ray, I hit him.  I
    stand up for myself.  He's not like you.  He thinks I'm a freak."
    
    Ray was confused.  He wasn't sure if what he was hearing was real or
    just his own wishful thinking.  "Huh?"
    
    "I don't love him.  Nothing ever happened between us.  There's only one
    Ray I love and that's you."
    
    "Then all of that?"
    
    "Stan and I are just friends.  You're still my best friend.  You always
    will be.  I love you, Ray Vecchio."
    
    "I love you too." There was no more pain.  Only the wonderful feeling
    of being together with Benny.  After so long it felt like he was whole
    again.


End file.
